Crack Fic!

[keevacaereni]

Here is the other fic me and flwrpwr_vampyre wrote at anshins_fanfic. Yes, it's crack. Yes, it's intentional. Yes, I enjoyed it. DON'T JUDGE ME.

Title: According to Plan
Authors: flwrpwr_vampyre and me
Rating: R? Sex and swearing. Also crack.
Summary: Rorschach thinks Ozymandias looks pretty.
A/N: Again, I'm sorry. Please don't  kill me.

Rorschach couldn't keep his eyes off of Adrian Veidt's broad, purple-clad shoulders. The way the muscles shifted subtly under the glimmering fabric got his pulse and breath racing faster and faster until he felt like he might kill something. Or kiss something. Like Adrian.

 

He had tried to deny his feelings, despite the dazzling beauty contained within the world's smartest man. He would have blamed his feelings on drugs but he would never take them. Drugs were for homosexual hippie liberals. Like Veidt. Hrm. Maybe Veidt had drugged him.

This bore investigating.

 

Rorschach broke into Veidt's building at about 3am, and riffled through all the folders before going through Veidt's garbage. Hurm. Apparently Adrian liked Toaster Strudel.

Wait, when had he started calling him Adrian? Drugs were seeming more and more likely.

 

 A few minutes later he found a thrown away shirt, he couldn't tell why it had been discarded and decided to sniff it, to see if there were any trashes of marijuana smoke, of course. Not for any other reason at all.

He couldn't smell anything through his mask and decided that the logical thing to do was lift up his mask.

Of course that's when Adrian, erm VEIDT, would find him.


 

"What on earth are you doing Rorschach? And why are you doing it with my shirt?"

Rorschach didn't have an answer. Fortunately, just then Adr-VEIDT did something that spared him from answering.

He grinned. A nice grin. And Rorschach was filled with... rage. Yes, rage. It had to be drugs. There was no other reason for this or for the pleased look on A-VEIDT'S face.

So he took one last sniff, to check for drugs again. And then launched himself at the other man.

Rorschach landed on him, knocking all the wind out of the taller man. Getting in a few good punches to the jaw was satisfying for a while, until VEIDT GODDAMN IT got the upper hand and rolled them both over.

Now on top, he grinned at Rory. "Now, what shall we do about this then?"

Rorschach was horrified. He'd never intended for this to happen. He had however entertained the though, for a mere second and now -HIS NAME IS VEIDT NOT THE OTHER THING- now he was trapped by homosexuality.

He warred with himself. He could stand firm or, since he was already trapped, just give in.

The problem was he was already standing firm - so to speak. VEIDT DAMMIT V-E-I-D-T could feel it too. Rorschach could tell by the way he stiffened slightly when their groins met. He looked into the inky blots of Rory's mask for a second, charged with passion.

He growled, disgusted with himself. Yes, the tiny movements VEIDT NEVER ADRIAN was making with hips felt amazing. Better then amazing and those little panting sounds were, he felt ashamed for even thinking this, they were sexy. He was very glad that his eyes were still covered.

He couldn't restrain himself from bucking against NOT USING THE A WORD and whining a little. Humiliating and dirty as this was, it was good.

Rorschach was certain VEIDT VEIDT VEIDT had been drugging him now.

There was no other excuse for this deviant behaviour. Rorschach certainly would never have indulged his sick fantasies normally. Or thought that PRETEND HE DOESN'T HAVE A FIRST NAME looked gorgeous with his face flushed like that.

He looked even more gorgeous riding Rorschach's body, he was to discover. THE MAN WITH NO NAME BUT VEIDT gasped loudly, his eyes rolling back in his head and his mouth open.

Maybe if he killed a few hundred rapists after this, he'd be forgiven this brief-fuck, that was good-moral lapse?

He moaned loudly and felt humiliation sweep through him. Only until OZYMANDIAS IS A PERFECTLY GOOD SUBSTITUTE's breath hitched and his eyes fluttered closed.

Make that rapists and wife beaters.

That would have to wait however, because OZYMANDIAS BUT NOT OZY THAT'S JUST DAFT had let go of his wrists and was running them all over him, up and down his chest and over his thighs. The sensation was overpowering, and Rorschach was caring less and less about his morals and more and more about making sure this didn't stop.

At this point he would have to kill lawyers to make up for it.

He almost broke IT FELT SHAMEFUL TO CALL HIM OZYMANDIAS WHEN HE WAS UNMASKED's nose when he sat up but then hands soft from rich living were unbuckling his belt. He propped himself up on his elbows, chest heaving as his pants were tugged down and then AD-VEI-OZYMANDIAS leaned down and licked him

He added child molesters to the list.

That was the straw that broke the psycho's back and Rorschach came harder than he'd ever come in his life. THAT GUY WHO FIGHTS CRIME WITH SQUIDS swallowed and followed suit, leisurely licking Rorschach's cum off his fingers.

Better add people who talk at the theatre, just to be sure. No one should be that hot when doing something so disgusting.

SQUIDS HONESTLY, WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THAT UP sat back looking utterly pleased with himself. Rorschach leapt up, tugging his mask back down. He grabbed the shirt he'd found earlier. He had to... test it for drugs. Yes.

Now he had things to do and people to kill. He stalked off.

 

As he left he didn't see I KNOW THE GUY IS CRACKED I TELLS YA tidying himself up with a shit eating grin. Everything happened as planned. Heh heh heh.

THE END!!!

Comments

[the-fanfic-er.livejournal.com]

ffhaaahhaa! XD That's crack all right. I enjoyed it. craaaaack. It's hilariously delicious!

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Crack: It's what's for breakfast!

Thanks for reading!

[sendmethemiles.livejournal.com]

this is AMAZING. i don't know whether to find this hot (and proceed on my way to hell), laugh hysterically, or just stare in awe. I'll just be over here doing all three in a dazed state.

*flail* and btw your descriptions of Adrian. A+

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

No, really, find it hot! We need company in hell

Oh, I had so much fun coming up with names for NOT ADRIAN IT IS VEIDT, but flwrpwr_vampyre's had me rolling.

Thank you for reading!

[eugenetapdance.livejournal.com]

I am going to call him THAT GUY WHO FIGHTS CRIME WITH SQUIDS from now on.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

YES!!! IT IS SPREADING. MUAHAHAHAHAHA

Thanks for reading!

[truthwritaslies.livejournal.com]

it's like two different fics in one *fascinated*

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Oh, how so? Do tell!

[devlinnreiko.livejournal.com]

Hahahahaha!

Awesome!11!!1!! Squid Crime Fighter! LOL.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

IT IS HIS NAME NOT THAT A WORD!!!

Thanks for reading!

[shutupanddplay.livejournal.com]

This is so fantastic! I was laughing through the whole thing. And at the same time, I found it hot. That is true talent! :D

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Yay! Funny and hot. That is everything I could hope to achieve. Unfortunately I can't take all the credit - flwrpwr_vampyre wrote most of the best stuff.

Thanks for reading!

[archisaxt.livejournal.com]

Very nice, and is that a firefly reference I see?
"Better add people who talk at the theatre" pulling from the group of people who go to that "special hell" or am I just seeing spies? Either way very nice! :-D He shall forever be though of as that guy who fights with squids to me too >.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Yes, yes it is. How could I resist?

Hahaha, my plan is working! Thanks for reading!

[truwest.livejournal.com]

I love this SO MUCH. *crushes it to chest and huggles it*

You are SOOPER GENIUSES.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

*pokes fic, makes it huggle back*

I know, we are awesome. ;)I'm trying to set up a temple so can be worshipped as gods, but it's taking a while.

Thanks for reading!

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

You completely lie to people, you wrote all the hilarious NO NOT ADRIAN names.

I'll admit to writing the hot porn.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Lies, what lies? OZYMANDIAS IS A PERFECTLY GOOD SUBSTITUTE was your idea! I'll admit I came up with some...

I may have helped with the porn a bit

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

And also, the porn WAS hot, wasn't it? You're good!

[flwrpwr-vampyre.livejournal.com]

You came up with the best one which was THE MAN WHO FIGHTS CRIME WITH SQUIDS. It was fantabulous.

We're both great for porn, yay us!

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Yay porn!! Yay VEIDT IS HIS NAME!!!

[jessikacast.livejournal.com]

"SQUIDS HONESTLY, WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THAT UP"

A+

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

I KNOW, HE IS A MENTALIST.

Thanks for reading!

[anactoria.livejournal.com]

Hehehe! For some reason, my favourite thing is that it says "Heh heh heh" at the end. 0_0

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

NANANANANANANANA SQUIDMAN planned it all!

Thanks for reading!

[anactoria.livejournal.com]

^ Totally what I'm calling him from now on.

[liana-zombilina.livejournal.com]

Hahahahahaha! Brilliant! You cheered my day right up :)

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Yay! Seriously, if at least one person got cheered up, then our work is done.

Thanks for reading!

[spattergroit.livejournal.com]

ROFL that was great!

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Yay!! We thank you.

Thanks for reading!

[elle-vee.livejournal.com]

SQUIDS HONESTLY, WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO THINK THAT UP

WIN. FULL POINTS FOR CRACKETY-CRACK.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

YAY FULL POINTS.

Thanks for reading!

[tehprincessj.livejournal.com]

You 2 have got me frantically trying to find a suitable LOL userpic. And it's like, almost 5 in the morning here.

ILUguys. <3

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Ha, everyone needs a LOL userpic, you never know when crack will strike. XD

YAY we are loved! Thanks for reading!

[spocktopus.livejournal.com]

I am so close to crying with laughter, you have no idea.

This fic absolutely made my day.

[keevacaereni.livejournal.com]

Thank you so much! I'm glad you liked it. :D

And can I return the favour on your D9 fics, by the way? They're fab!