All of this has happened before

Christmas has been lovely! The kids woke me up and we watched them open their many presents, then us adults opened ours. I got Professor Layton and the Curious Village, a lovely new top, some bath stuff from Lush and a Lego Star Wars alarm clock. :D I also got a lucky cat that talks, even if it only speaks Japanese. :D It is adorable. I also got a bit of money and some giftcards, so a trip to HMV is in my future! After, I set up the lads' Leg stuff (mam hates doing Lego), and we played on the Michael Jackson dancing game.

We went to Stepdad's parents for dinner, and had an absolutely lovely Christmas dinner. Then we came home and played about some more. Then I decided to call dad.

Dad has decided we are not visiting nannan because it doesn't suit him. He doesn't feel like having a family sit down with his mother, God only knows why. And then he expected me to go to his house with my little sister and go fishing. Neither of us enjoy fishing.

This is Dad all over. He acts like we're dolls to be picked up at his convienience. Christmas is about the kids, and while I can cope with the crap he puts me through, Sis the Second deserves better. This is the reason she doesn't want to see him.

I feel like a bad sister for refusing to go with him, because she needs someone there to take care of her. But I can't keep putting up with him, it's killing me. And her mother decided whether to send her with him or not. *guilty*

Anyway, fuck him, it's Christmas.

Dear Presentation Partner,

If you didn't want to work on the Tower of London, not telling me three days before the due date would have been nice.

I realise that maybe you didn't want to upset me, but I now have half a presentation and three days in which to rewrite it. At least our other partner gave us some time and left last week. If you wanted to do something else, you could have suggested something. I distinctly remember being the one to bring up all three of our options, and you going along with everything. I wouldn't have bitten your head off.

You know what else would have been a good idea? Getting in touch with me at any point in the last THREE WEEKS to voice any doubts. Or, you know, actually doing some work. Maybe you wouldn't feel so lost if you'd actually made a start on it. I realise you're on your gap year and none of this matters to you, but I actually have to pass this year. These marks matter. I do have other classes, you know. I have coursework. Right this moment, in fact!

I didn't make you work with me. You chose to join this group, and no matter what else, that was a commitment. You're a nice person, but the fact that you are blowing me off like this proves you can't be trusted. Hope your presentation goes well.

I also hope mine blows yours out of the water.

Sincerely,
Keeva

I genuinely feel ill at this.

( Cut for really triggery material about female genital mutilation )

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

*sniffle*

I refuse to believe it. It is a lie.

Oh, I didn't write about my holiday, did I?

Amsterdam was nice, but we were about an hour away from the city centre, and Dad insisted we walk, so understandably, we were pissed. This culminated with an hour and a half's walk back from the pub at half one in the morning, in a foreign city where I don't know the language. Dad was drunk, and after we stopped talking 'cause we were tired, he reverted to self pity, which ended with an argument that went something like this:

Dad: I just feel like the worst father in the world. (For like the fortieth time that night)
Me: Enough! I don't have the energy to deal with your ego. I'm tired, i'm cold, I'm scared and my feet hurt because we got lost. Don't say you feel bad twenty times; say it once and then fix it.( Jesus, that sounds awful when I type it back)
(ten minutes later)
Dad : You shouldn't pretend to be thirty, Keeva, It doesn't suit you.
Me: If you're gonna act like a teenager, then someone has to be grown up.

This is basically how every interaction with my father has gone since I was fourteen. I know I'm not the world's best daughter, and I know  I'm selfish and rude at times, but he's the parent and I'm not supposed to be looking after him. I spent years trying to please him and he never gave a damn, but now I've had it, and he comes crawling after me, wanting to be my best friend? Fuck that for a game of soilders.