Ganked from anactoria, for a change
Feb. 14th, 2011 01:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
Pick a paragraph (or any passage less than 500 words) from any fanfic I've written, and comment to this post with that selection. I will then give you a DVD commentary on that snippet: what I was thinking when I wrote it, why I wrote it in the first place, what's going on in the characters' heads, why I chose certain words, what this moment means in the context of the rest of the fic, lots of awful puns, and anything else that you'd expect to find on a DVD commentary track.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-14 02:42 pm (UTC)She doesn’t want to remember. (This is part of the reason why Film Brain’s smile hurts somewhere deep inside.)
But Critic smacked a customer for going too far and got a black eye and a cut beneath for it, and Michaud had threatened to cut her off again and she’s tired, so tired. Penny’s still sniffing about and Chick is tired of that too. She’s had enough of this life, had enough of the club and all its inhabitants to the point where she’s sick from it.
She gets back to her apartment in the dingy light of dawn and the lock on the door is broken. When she checks the mattress the money is gone and it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. She drops to the floor and curls up against the bed. It’s too much; too familiar for comfort, she wants everything to go away for tonight, wants to be herself again, wants someone else in control, just this once. (She wants her back.)
She pulls the pictures out from the drawer they’ve been left in. There’s only a few, and they’re dog eared and smeared from late nights or mornings like this, with too much liquor and not enough control to do otherwise.The first picture is of Nella in their (then) new apartment, looking around speculatively. She looks as though she’s sizing the place up, and Chick knows that after this photo was taken Nella grabbed her apron and gloves and they cleaned the place top to bottom, before collapsing in a heap and watching Labyrinth until they fell asleep.
(no subject)
Date: 2011-02-14 11:31 pm (UTC)Oh, run-on sentences, how do I love thee, let me count the ways...
Obviously, this was for you, and I know you like your angst. :P I think Chick doesn't like to think about Nella much, but obviously, some nights just get you down.
She gets back to her apartment in the dingy light of dawn and the lock on the door is broken. When she checks the mattress the money is gone and it’s the straw that breaks the camels back. She drops to the floor and curls up against the bed. It’s too much; too familiar for comfort, she wants everything to go away for tonight, wants to be herself again, wants someone else in control, just this once. (She wants her back.)
Chick needs to not be the one holding it all together for once. She's trying to look after Critic, but Michaud and The Other Chick make it pretty difficult. And once again my grammar takes a hit to convey stream-of-conscious.
She pulls the pictures out from the drawer they’ve been left in. There’s only a few, and they’re dog eared and smeared from late nights or mornings like this, with too much liquor and not enough control to do otherwise.The first picture is of Nella in their (then) new apartment, looking around speculatively. She looks as though she’s sizing the place up, and Chick knows that after this photo was taken Nella grabbed her apron and gloves and they cleaned the place top to bottom, before collapsing in a heap and watching Labyrinth until they fell asleep.
I love the idea of what they were before, and how they got to this point. A snapshot of normality, if you will, before the storm hits.